The delegates at the IMF meeting in Vancouver could not agree on various subjects related to cryptocurrencies.
An idea was introduced to have a “universal currency” that would be used in every country, allowing for greater ease of usage. This idea was heavily attacked, however, by other delegations. “No new currency should be introduced by the IMF, and the US dollar should be used,” said the delegate of Iceland. “There should be taxes on cryptocurrencies as well, to limit the usage of them.” The United Kingdom noted several key points related to cryptocurrencies. “People are going to abuse the technology we have. Remaining stationary is no longer a viable solution. We need to evolve with the times, and if necessary, accept cryptocurrencies as a part of life.” This statement was immediately combatted by Japan, allied with Iceland. “Your statement directly counters our cluster of ideas, and why is that?” the delegate passionately said. “It’s because you’re elitist scum who loves to tax people. You can be hypocritical all you want in your taxing habits, but stop opposing our ideas! You don’t care about developing nations, cause you’re the ones who made them developing nations in the first place!” The UK was not without ally, though, as France came to the defence of their close ally. “That speech by Japan was like a re-enactment of the movie Godzilla,” the delegate of France opened with to great applause. “So much fury, all directed at one small, innocent country. Don’t forget, your country is going downhill due to underground sushi practices and illegal anime. Don’t blame your problems on us, and support ideas just because they’ll bail you out of the hole you got yourself into.” Other delegates retained a level head, noting that other delegates had gotten off topic to insult Japan and the UK. “We need to focus on cryptocurrencies, not whether or not Japan is engaging in odd sushi practices,” said one delegate. “We need to discuss cryptocurrency taxes, and the ethics of banning or adding them globally.” The Commonwealth of Nations met to discuss a pressing issue: Maintaining biodiversity.
The common theme was to help the environment by eliminating internal combustion vehicles. This would be done to reduce global warming. “We need to ban gasoline powered cars. It’s that simple,” said one delegate. “I’ve written a plan here that would make it possible to reduce global warming by 2040-2070. We would have an eventual ban on cars, and until then, slowly phase out gas powered cars until then. We’ve got the electric cars available to use, so why not?” This plan, however, was met with fire from other delegations. “Remember, kids, banning gasoline powered cars may not be a great idea right now. Electric cars are still sooo expensive right now. If we force everyone to switch to electric cars, then we’ll also lose countless jobs from young people working in gasoline-related jobs.” said the delegate of Pakistan. “What I’ve got a problem with, is the term ‘eventual ban’ used in this plan,” said the delegate of Ghana. “Bigger countries could easily just phase out gasoline powered cars in less than a few years. Smaller countries may have a more difficult time, however, as we don’t have access to alternative transportation. You can count walking, I guess, but that’s getting less practical by the day.” The delegate of Lesotho reminded the committee of the fact that there are more forms of pollution than just cars. “We can’t just focus on cars alone. We need to be aware of trash incinerators, farming, even just everyday actions that happen to release greenhouse gases.” This idea was expanded upon by the delegate of Rwanda. “Yes, we had a genocide a while back, but we don’t need another one from global warming. We can impose a universal regulation on greenhouse gases and add a carbon tax worldwide as well. People can keep using their cars, but you’ll have to pay for it.” Despite all of this, some delegates still questioned the vagueness of certain terms used in proposed agreements. “I feel that these agreements have too many loopholes that could be exploited if you really got into the nitty-gritty,” said the delegate of Botswana. “We should probably fix that.” This committee was summed up no better than by one delegate. “Like I’ve always said, Commonwealth is weird,” said the delegate of Tanzania. “Look, there’s someone trying to prevent the discussion of greenhouse gases. That’s what you just have to get used to in Commonwealth.” At the recent NAM conference, delegates attempted to solve the issue of pressures from one country to another, also known as neocolonialism.
This pressing issue inhibits a country’s ability to thrive due to many factors, such as high tariffs, economic leverage, and lack of knowledge on resource management. A common point that delegates unfortunately got tied up on was the best way to deal with trade barriers, which currently cause issues for many countries. “We need a NAM trade agreement to ensure that trade is open between countries, and not blocked by tariffs used to pressure dependent countries,” said one delegate. “Of course, we want autonomy over our trade though, as we need to prioritize our country over any others.” This statement was immediately countered by the delegation of China. “We don’t even need to trade that much,” said the delegate of China, Zhao MeDong. “We need all countries to capitalize on internal resources, and stop whining about how the ‘bigger countries’ are taking advantage of us” Considering that China is one of the world’s top exporters, their delegation’s comments on trade were surprising to some. The delegation of Indonesia responded to this idea quickly as well. “You know, the right strategy here isn’t to stop trade, nor to make free trade, but to realize that third-world countries contain most of the valuable materials in the world. If we stop giving these away to wealthy countries, then we’re now in the position of power.” The delegate of Indonesia then called upon all third-world countries to limit trade with world superpowers. “Let’s all give the little countries a chance to be on top, see how the bigger countries like it! Let’s make the little countries great again! …well, not necessarily again, because they never were in the first place, but we can make the little countries great!” This idea quickly took hold of many smaller countries, leading to loud cries of agreement from other poorer countries. Despite falling farther from the topic at hand, limiting neocolonialism rather than creating more power imbalances, the smaller countries began insulting the larger countries enthusiastically. “We need to stop being bribed by countries like the USA and take this opportunity to be more self dependent!” said the delegate of Myanmar. Infighting was still an issue though, as Honduras said, “Fiji has no opinions whatsoever. They haven’t said a thing! We need unity among these countries to turn the tables on the larger countries.” A SPECPOL conference was recently held to discuss strategies for clearing landmines out of demilitarized areas.
Delegations suggested various solutions to solve the problems associated with civilians living in zones that could involve unexploded ordnance. “Over the three hours we will be here, four people will die from landmines,” said the delegate of Israel. “This may not seem like much, but these are civilians. Innocent people. 32 people dying every day from military actions in a safe zone. We need to prioritize the safety of civilians in these situations, as they don’t deserve to be maimed or die in such a violent manner.” Other delegates discussed ensuring that at minimum, access to basic human needs such as water was always made safe in demilitarized zones. These delegates highlighted the already existing humanitarian problems in zones with minimal or no access to safe drinking water. Delegates also discussed the rehabilitation of landmine victims, new technologies to detect landmines, removal methods, feasibility of complete removal, and financial impacts of landmines in civilian zones. The delegate of Canada in particular stressed the need for all countries to sign and ratify the Ottawa treaty. “We need all countries to approve this treaty to save innocent civilian lives. As other delegates have stated, civilians are dying every day due to active landmines in what are designated as safe zones” The delegate of Austria agreed with this viewpoint. “Discussing prohibition of landmine stockpiling, as is mentioned in the Ottawa Treaty, is crucial. Eliminating the problem at its root will ensure that mine detections methods, mine removal methods, and various other solutions caused by the presence of mines will be unnecessary.” The delegate of the USA reminded other delegates of the effects of the settling of mines. “Over time, landmines become buried by other layers of soil. This may cause them to become hard-to-detect,” delegate Ree Publican* passionately said. “Even if experts are sent in to these zones, they may not be able to remove these mines safely. Ideally, we would encourage the usage of “smart mines” that would automatically disable themselves after not being detonated for a certain amount of time. We already use this technology, and we’re pretty great, so...yeah.” This idea was met with heavy criticism, due to the risks still associated with mines of any sort. Opposers also noted that the USA, as well as supporters such as Singapore, had not signed the Ottawa Treaty. Other countries supported the usage, but also the removal out of wartime, of landmines, being a cost-effective tool that deters attacks. As there are already active mines of a standard variety in many countries, solutions to remove these mines with minimal to no human casualties were discussed, noting that the majority of landmines were present in third-world countries. “Many countries with dangerous mined zones are third-world countries that are unable to afford the removal of landmines,” reminded delegate of Croatia. “Otherwise, they would have removed them already. We need to establish a global plan to share funds with mined third-world countries to aid these people in ensuring that all civilians can live safely. These people are also human beings too.” To donate to the UN GoFundMe for landmine removal in demilitarized countries, visit www.gofundme.com/1M_2_L1T |
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