ON A HIGH HORSE – The Association of Southeast Asian Nations was stunned when their proposal was
encountered not by cries of joy, but an increasing death toll. “We don’t understand how our stance
against corruption didn’t bring about rejoicing from the people.” said an affronted delegate. “We have
chosen to remain moral. We refuse to negotiate with corrupt governments – if they won’t tell us what
they’re doing with the money, we won’t give them any aid post natural disasters.” Citizens of the
stricken country were largely mute or otherwise in no state to be interviewed.
WATERGATE – It was revealed today that the Association of Southeast Asian Nations is secretly an
organization of amateur philosophers. Though their topic is ostensibly “Emergency Response Post
Natural Disaster”, their true matter of discussion was the born state of humans. Most countries’
delegates are of the opinion that corruption and greed are not naturally occurring, and therefore cannot
be discussed at this meeting, which is solely reserved for natural disasters. Instead, they define natural
disasters to be only those of physical nature, such as the far less common tornado, flooding or
earthquake.
ON A COUCH – China is taking a devious step forward in their plan to take over the world, according to a
political analyst during today’s ASEAN meeting. By advocating for funds to be begged from the IMF and
“big Western nations”, China hopes that fellow ASEAN nations will become dependent on the West and
Europe. What the other ASEAN countries fail to realize is that China owns every Made-in-China inch of
the great Western powers. “China’s plan has been years in the making, creating dependency with every
business transaction. Without their goods, entire economies could fall to pieces! Even food will never be
the same.” exclaimed Poppy Caulk, a local economics student.